It was a solemn rite as e’er
Was seen by mortal man.
The celebrants, the people there,
Were all Republican.
Ed Rollins bent his grizzled head,
And Ari Fleischer too,
And one—’twas Tucker, someone said,
Though no one clearly knew.
I saw the priest, white-robed and tall
Of strictly right-wing views
He was the pious man men call
To cast blessings on Fox News.
Ah, ’twas a high and holy rite
As anyone could swear.
“What does it mean?” I asked a wight
Who knelt apart in prayer.
“A mass for the repose,” he said,
“Of Alex Jones's —“What,
Is Alex Jones now dead?
’Tis sad, ’tis sad, God wot!”
“A mass”—repeated he, and rose
To go and kneel among
The worshipers—“for the repose
Of Alex Jones's tongue.”
-- Ambrose Bierce, brought up to date