Three years of Donald Trump as our president have demonstrated that he enjoys the pomp of the presidency, doesn't want to work very hard, and has only a few fixed political principles. (He might express those principles as "Taxes are bad! Twitter is good! Immigrants I'm not married to are bad!") We as Americans are conflicted: we berate our presidents (not just Mr. Trump) when they too readily enjoy the perquisites of the office, and we don't like it when they're too fancy, but we also complain when they aren't fancy enough for our taste.
America needs a different president. What, then, shall we do with the current one? In 2016 we tried to show our preference for the other candidate by giving her 3,000,000 more votes, but Mr. Trump won anyway. I suggest that we take advantage of his tastes and two recent events to provide victory to both President Trump and whomever the Democrats may nominate, while at the same time bolstering the American economy and giving the gossip magazines a ready source of Kardashian-free material. The two recent events are that Henry, Duke of Sussex, commonly (and no longer royally) known as Prince Harry, and his wife will live in Canada much of the year, and that the prince celebrated his 35th birthday on September 15, 2019. Constitutional scholars will see where I'm going.
To accomplish the Laquedem Plan, we will need to enact one statute and make one revision to the constitution. The statutory change is to create a ceremonial position (call it "Pooh-Bah"), to be filled by appointment from among those persons who are either past presidents of the United States or descended from a king or queen who at one time ruled over a portion of what is now the United States, meaning that the Pooh-Bah could be a member of the royal house of Great Britain, the Netherlands, Sweden, Spain, France, and Hawaii. The constitutional change is to allow the Pooh-Bah to grant lifetime titles of nobility to persons who have held federal elective office on the condition that the ennobled recipients give up their right to hold any further elective office.
Prince Harry is available and looking for a job. Imagine him as Pooh-Bah. He has had years of training for a post that he's unlikely to ever fill in his own country. He'll be local. He's photogenic and popular. His wife can act. He's the ideal candidate.
What will Pooh-Bah Harry do? I suggest that he starts by granting a title to Donald Trump. "Earl of Jersey" is already taken, and "Earl of New Jersey" sounds parvenu. I propose "Baron Trump of Florida" as being fitting. There would be no duties and he could golf as much as he wishes. The appointment would come with a coat of arms suitable to be mounted over a hotel entrance, and would even include a Chinese trademark registration. He can have all the pomp and flattery that any nobleman would wish. In the meantime the rest of the country can get back to business under the direction of a president better suited to do the actual work of governing.